LA Episode 124: A Life of Avian Isolation watching Liza Minnelli Musicals on DVD

Alex and Rob cast an irreverent eye over local news from their respective home towns. Listeners can submit stories from their local area to: lapodcast.net@gmail.com

Stories this week include:

• Beauty queen wins Mediocre Smile of the Year award.
• Rare Bulgarian Shyte Hawk spotted in Kent.
• The Special One denies rumoured signing of Jesus Christ.
• Ex-porn star releases budget French cook book which includes recipes such as sucre sur la pain and cornflakes avec de l'eau.

Also revealed: Um Bongo, Um Bongo, they drink it on the podcast...

Play episode (to download, right click and choose 'save link as'), or download from iTunes.

LA Episode 123: The Love Child of Desperate Dan and Mrs Potato Head

Alex and Rob cast an irreverent eye over local news from their respective home towns. Listeners can submit stories from their local area to: lapodcast.net@gmail.com

Stories this week include:

• Barrister charged with contempt of court after making excessive number of lamppost related jokes during trail.
• Police arrest squirrel under the Terrorism Act following standoff in school playground.
• Operation Yuletree releases more detailed description of criminal dressed as Santa Claus after 10,000+ suspected sightings.
• Woman reveals that she believed Blackheath park bench stranger to be a nutter.

Also revealed: We start work on our next bestselling novel 'Croquet in Baghdad'...

Play episode (to download, right click and choose 'save link as'), or download from iTunes.

LA Episode 122: Two Leopard Skulls, Four Monkey Heads and a Skeleton of an Infant Crab eating a Macaque

Alex and Rob cast an irreverent eye over local news from their respective home towns. Listeners can submit stories from their local area to: lapodcast.net@gmail.com

Stories this week include:

• Bus driver arrested by grammar police.
• Gas safety certificate containing declaration of love backfires spectacularly.
• Blindness curse lifted by 'magical' optician.
• Hospital's theatrical production based upon Greek mythology in jeopardy after Icarus goes method.

Also revealed: Alex unwittingly returns to Dickensian London...sort of.

Play episode (to download, right click and choose 'save link as'), or download from iTunes.

LA Episode 121: The Cock Happy Electric Chicken

Alex and Rob cast an irreverent eye over local news from their respective home towns. Listeners can submit stories from their local area to: lapodcast.net@gmail.com

Stories this week include:

• Manager politely reminds customer that staff will not exchange money for sex.
• Man demands refund from pet manufacturer after taking traumatised dog on luxury spa break.
• Woman disappointed after impulse buy with suggestive name turns out to be toy chicken.
• Cream tea offered as compensation to working class mother.

Also revealed: We demand to know how far away the goats are?!

Play episode (to download, right click and choose 'save link as'), or download from iTunes.

LA Episode 120: Embarrassing Cash Machine Translation Mishap

Alex and Rob cast an irreverent eye over local news from their respective home towns. Listeners can submit stories from their local area to: lapodcast.net@gmail.com

Stories this week include:

• Catford celebrates victory in UK's sexiest bus route competition.
• Court hears depraved man suggest Crayford day trip to unsuspecting partner.
• Driver refuses to pay delivery charge on chicken tikka after ploughing car in takeaway window.
• Restaurateur cautioned by police after force feeding expired food produce to grandmother following food hygiene inspection.

Also revealed: Our top three tips for correctly identifying excrement...

Play episode (to download, right click and choose 'save link as'), or download from iTunes.

LA Episode 119: A Stolen Bronze Dragon and a Statue of Jesus

Alex and Rob cast an irreverent eye over local news from their respective home towns. Listeners can submit stories from their local area to: lapodcast.net@gmail.com

Stories this week include:

• Protesters get their bloody meat out in Central London.
• Woman hands over £1,500 to bogus door-to-door council tax collector.
• Criminal slams cost of coach hire as daylight robbery.
• Scrap metal dealer and crematorium plaque enthusiast denies clandestine marriage to badger.

Also revealed: We keep the camp fire burning... 

Play episode (to download, right click and choose 'save link as'), or download from iTunes.

LA Episode 118: Horrible Husky Death Pact

Alex and Rob cast an irreverent eye over local news from their respective home towns. Listeners can submit stories from their local area to: lapodcast.net@gmail.com

Stories this week include:

• Nick Berry found safe and wealthy after concern from local media.
• Fish puns in newspaper article overshadow seriousness of road traffic accident.
• Bird of prey centre deny dinosaur breeding program.
• Express gynaecology clinic condemned by medical professionals.

Also revealed: We attempt to find out whether we get to keep the pen...

Play episode (to download, right click and choose 'save link as'), or download from iTunes.

LA Episode 117: A Few Wisps of Tepid Air Achieving Nothing

Alex and Rob cast an irreverent eye over local news from their respective home towns. Listeners can submit stories from their local area to: lapodcast.net@gmail.com

Stories this week include:

• Street performer burned at the stake for witchcraft in Woolwich.
• Man admits that unwitting lie to girlfriend led to international campaign.
• College of Psychic Studies graduate fails to see link to terrorist organisation.
• Female giant spotted in Cardiff restaurant.

Also revealed: Too much detail about our nocturnal ablutions...

Play episode (to download, right click and choose 'save link as'), or download from iTunes.

LA Episode 116: Zillions of Neurotic Cats and Tarted-Up, Silly, Yappy Doggies!

Alex and Rob cast an irreverent eye over local news from their respective home towns. Listeners can submit stories from their local area to: lapodcast.net@gmail.com

Stories this week include:

• Mushroom enthusiast and fun guy suspected of sexual foraging.
• Helicopter pilot questions structural rigidity of brick wall belonging to Communist.
• Fully grown male found wrapped around boiler in family's kitchen.
• Cat killer phones in deadly snake sighting to elude capture.

Also revealed: The animal noises make a welcome return...

Play episode (to download, right click and choose 'save link as'), or download from iTunes.

LA Episode 115: Steaming Pile of Chanticleer Ornamental Pears

Alex and Rob cast an irreverent eye over local news from their respective home towns. Listeners can submit stories from their local area to: lapodcast.net@gmail.com

Stories this week include:

• Council ridicules resident after failing to identify an apple.
• Boxer arrested after claiming left hook healed the sick.
• Pub chain deny dirty dishcloth cover-up.
• Obedient Wives Club admits booking error following lecture at local Women's Institute branch.

Also revealed: Just why would you burn down the worker's shed...?

Play episode (to download, right click and choose 'save link as'), or download from iTunes.

LA Episode 114: Year Long Campaign of Vandalism by Anti-English Racists (or Arrogant Little Sh*ts in Rusty Transits)

Alex and Rob cast an irreverent eye over local news from their respective home towns. Listeners can submit stories from their local area to: lapodcast.net@gmail.com

Stories this week include:

• Pensioner traumatised by protruding door excluder flashbacks.
• Insurance company quietly selves comprehensive straw cover policy.
• Se7en themed birthday party brought to abrupt end after present giving.
• Woman disgraced by horse fingered by rag & bone men.

Also revealed: Just who is Ethel Testicles...? 

Play episode (to download, right click and choose 'save link as'), or download from iTunes.

LA Episode 113: Bristol Suburb Intercontinental Ballistic Missile Attack

Alex and Rob cast an irreverent eye over local news from their respective home towns. Listeners can submit stories from their local area to: lapodcast.net@gmail.com

Stories this week include:

• Man caught off guard by pomegranate.
• Survey finds that 1 in 5 believe London to be separate country.
• Travelling meat salesmen questioned by police.
• Ninja turtle prime suspect in turf war shooting.

Also revealed: Rob forgets the lobster...

Play episode (to download, right click and choose 'save link as'), or download from iTunes.

LA Episode 112: A Can of Special Brew and a Tesco Mop

Alex and Rob cast an irreverent eye over local news from their respective home towns. Listeners can submit stories from their local area to: lapodcast.net@gmail.com

Stories this week include:

• Sentient cash machine turns political.
• Shopping trolley celebrated as local hero after filling void in station car park.
• Market trader prosecuted after selling sex pills to underage seahorses.
• Cat takes neighbours hostage after receiving Antisocial Behavioural Order from council.

Also revealed: We sit in the dark...

Play episode (to download, right click and choose 'save link as'), or download from iTunes.

LA Episode 111: One of the Most Brutal Fascist Regimes the World has Ever Witnessed

Alex and Rob cast an irreverent eye over local news from their respective home towns. Listeners can submit stories from their local area to: lapodcast.net@gmail.com

Stories this week include:

• Diabetes charity falls victim to ironic burglary.
• Protester disavowed by Anonymous collective after failing to understand the definition of anonymity.
• Historians ridicule 'ludicrous' link between road signs and Nazi atrocities.
• Police consider demand for 10 day all inclusive Caribbean cruise made by man on rooftop.

Also revealed: We mourn the loss of B*stard the sheep...

Play episode (to download, right click and choose 'save link as'), or download from iTunes.

LA Episode 110: Depraved and Devious Transgender MOD Tights Fetishist

Alex and Rob cast an irreverent eye over local news from their respective home towns. Listeners can submit stories from their local area to: lapodcast.net@gmail.com

Stories this week include:

• Man reunited with semi-naked father.
• Sailor blames map of Southampton for almost certain death.
• Repeat victim of raw sewage floor contemplates move.
• Tesco reconsiders £50 Oddbins voucher for participants of Go Sober 2014.

Also revealed: We discuss the cut-off age for the Now That's What I Call Music compilations...

Play episode (to download, right click and choose 'save link as'), or download from iTunes.

LA Episode 109: Miliband Beheading Comment

Alex and Rob cast an irreverent eye over local news from their respective home towns. Listeners can submit stories from their local area to: lapodcast.net@gmail.com

Stories this week include:

• Recently found teenager missing again.
• Police smash anti-feline terrorist ring.
• Conman facing jail time after conning woman with biscuity treat scam.
• Racist unsurprisingly racist.

Also revealed: We apologise for the tone we've set...

Play episode (to download, right click and choose 'save link as'), or download from iTunes.

LA Episode 108: Weird Skinny Burger King-Eating "Veggie"

Alex and Rob cast an irreverent eye over local news from their respective home towns. Listeners can submit stories from their local area to: lapodcast.net@gmail.com

Stories this week include:

• Tesco introduces mandatory chocolate bar identification training.
• Tests reveal that mystery object found in loaf of bread to be 15th century Papal ring.
• Gnomes held in police custody on firearms charge.
• Environmentalist attempts to recycle disused JCB digger.

Also revealed: We discuss the bread product compensation scale...

Play episode (to download, right click and choose 'save link as'), or download from iTunes.

LA Episode 107: Painfully Ill-fitting Spare Limb: Stories of Alienation and Disaster

Alex and Rob cast an irreverent eye over local news from their respective home towns. Listeners can submit stories from their local area to: lapodcast.net@gmail.com

Stories this week include:

• Animatronic tyrannosaurus stolen from council estate in Hackney.
• Cockle boat owner denies bragging to locals about prosthetic leg sale.
• Father struggles to feed monster baby.
• Supermarket giant refuses to compensate man who found crab in cereal.

Also revealed: Rob has some new neighbours...

Play episode (to download, right click and choose 'save link as'), or download from iTunes.

LA Episode 106: Fire Damaged BlackBerry Device

Alex and Rob cast an irreverent eye over local news from their respective home towns. Listeners can submit stories from their local area to: lapodcast.net@gmail.com

Stories this week include:

• Sex shop trails drone delivery service.
• Stationery shortage results in city farm taking drastic action.
• Impoverished volunteer bailiff beheads swan.
• Police fail to find cat in showering woman video despite repeat viewings.

Also revealed: We ask "can you smell chip fat?"

Play episode (to download, right click and choose 'save link as'), or download from iTunes.

LA Episode 105: A Dangerous Mix of Vanity and Stupidity

Alex and Rob cast an irreverent eye over local news from their respective home towns. Listeners can submit stories from their local area to: lapodcast.net@gmail.com

Stories this week include:

• Man answers phone up to six times a day.
• Fusion takeaway admits that curry surprise ingredients may have been somewhat ambiguous.
• Extremely low budget Hulk remake filmed in Deptford.
• Millionaire incites cat euthanasia plan after being abandon by childhood kitten.

Also revealed: We hatch a plan involving the elderly...

Play episode (to download, right click and choose 'save link as'), or download from iTunes.

LA Episode 104: Pubic Hair Drive-Thru Altercation

Alex and Rob cast an irreverent eye over local news from their respective home towns. Listeners can submit stories from their local area to: lapodcast.net@gmail.com

Stories this week include:

• Reporter milks large nippled dog story.
• Couple deny illicit hotel liaison with escort rabbit.
• Primary school defends work experience programs with strip club and travelling circus.
• 'Pet of the Week' story dropped after talking bird found to be paranoid delusion.

Also revealed: Alex impersonates a budgie...

Play episode (to download, right click and choose 'save link as'), or download from iTunes.

LA Episode 103: Small Piece of Plastic in a Ciabatta

Alex and Rob cast an irreverent eye over local news from their respective home towns. Listeners can submit stories from their local area to: lapodcast.net@gmail.com

Stories this week include:

• Gambling addict prosecuted after placing bet on length of time before child stolen from outside bookmakers.
• Miraculous improvement in child's eyesight after told to move closer to objects.
• Police Commissioner turns to Cup a Soup for comfort and policy advice.
• Charity shop staggered by dramatic increase in donations of broken glass and Annie Lennox CDs.

Also revealed: We discuss cats and cafes...

Play episode (to download, right click and choose 'save link as'), or download from iTunes.

LA Episode 102: Inhumane and Cruel Acts against Innocent Animals

Alex and Rob cast an irreverent eye over local news from their respective home towns. Listeners can submit stories from their local area to: lapodcast.net@gmail.com

Stories this week include:

• Fly-tipping of unwanted eagles on increase.
• Swans destroyed by spawn of scum parents customers.
• 81-year-old crow attack victim makes dubious career claim.
• Passenger indignant after staff refuse discount on day return to Holyhead for pony.

Also revealed: We mourn the passing of a comedy legend...

Play episode (to download, right click and choose 'save link as'), or download from iTunes.

LA Episode 101: Russian Aerobics Instructors in Need of Assistance with Air Fares

Alex and Rob cast an irreverent eye over local news from their respective home towns. Listeners can submit stories from their local area to: lapodcast.net@gmail.com

Stories this week include:

• KFC attempts to woo lucrative funeral trade with allocated park spaces for hearses.
• Orange unveils new 'Pathetic' price plan for contemptible customers.
• Former decorator still single despite lonely hearts advert for 'slim, top heavy, 20-25 year old stunner with no discernible intelligence. No fat chicks.'
• Shortage of Einstein busts and Buddha statues blamed for fall in inflation.

Also revealed: We investigate a murder...

Play episode (to download, right click and choose 'save link as'), or download from iTunes.

LA Episode 100: A Blur of Animal Abuse, Editor's Eye's, Memorable Characters and other forms of Odd Behaviour

Alex and Rob cast an irreverent eye over local news from their respective home towns. Listeners can submit stories from their local area to: lapodcast.net@gmail.com

Stories this week include:

• Mass brawl at bus garage open day following disparaging Routemaster joke.
• Deadly cheetah on loose is 'occupational hazard' claims owner.
• UKIP candidate makes spurious claim that homeless foreigner took cardboard box from British homeless man prompting alleged assault.
• Welsh people 'superior genetic material' claims part-time Ufologist and fantasist.

Also revealed: We reflect on the last 99 episodes...

Play episode (to download, right click and choose 'save link as'), or download from iTunes.

LA Episode 99: £500,000 Moby Dick Golf Course

Alex and Rob cast an irreverent eye over local news from their respective home towns. Listeners can submit stories from their local area to: lapodcast.net@gmail.com

Stories this week include:

• Emergency services question soaring costs of superfluous rescue boat.
• Family man moves back in with parents after hilarious prank comes to fruition.
• High Priestess denies link between dirty nappies and the occult.
• Sh*tbags fingered in attempted asthmatic memorial bench theft.

Also revealed: We get interrupted...

Play episode (to download, right click and choose 'save link as'), or download from iTunes.

LA Episode 98: A Callbox in Afganistan

Alex and Rob cast an irreverent eye over local news from their respective home towns. Listeners can submit stories from their local area to: lapodcast.net@gmail.com

Stories this week include:

• Nick Griffin, BNP Chairman denies shameless attempt to secure female vote by canvassing in drag.
• Police close-in on amateur social worker after stethoscope found in hedgerow.
• Mice annex council house and establish sovereign territory.
• Somalia pirate exchanges life on the high sea for deputy manager position in local Gregg's delicatessen.

Also revealed: We discuss the romantic side of a theme park ride...

Play episode (to download, right click and choose 'save link as'), or download from iTunes.

LA Episode 97: Small Pink Spade and a Deceptive Angle

Alex and Rob cast an irreverent eye over local news from their respective home towns. Listeners can submit stories from their local area to: lapodcast.net@gmail.com

Stories this week include:

• Discredited historian claims clowning profession descended from Jesus.
• Dramatic increase in requests for Victorian hairstyles reports salon.
• School introduces corset and suspenders discussion to sex and relationships education.
• Security guard suspended after using genitals to search items for contraband.

Also revealed: Rob struggles...

Play episode (to download, right click and choose 'save link as'), or download from iTunes.