Stories this week include:
- Miss Teen Bromley 2012 entrants mistakenly given journalism award by editor of local paper.
- Church of England refutes ludicrous claim that Bob the Builder was 13th Apostle.
- Strip club shocked by allegations of French cuisine being served in venue.
- Shoppers grateful after supermarket is cordoned off due to health and safety fears.
Also revealed: We find out what Lonnie has been saying...