Stories this week include:
- Axe wielding manic claims attack was justified after spurned lover makes obscene request.
- Local man apologises after Higgs boson eBay prank results in creation of black hole.
- Elderly women mistakenly sells dog as ornament at car boot sale.
- Marlborough Jazz Festival rescued at eleventh hour by Keith 'Cheggars' Chegwin and Jimmy Crankie lookalike.
Also revealed: The unmasking of the mysterious Xavier 'Dick' Catalyst.